Description
In this much-needed book, two renowned borderline personality disorder (BPD) experts offer simple, easy-to-use skills drawn from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) to help you address the most common issues of BPD, such as intense feelings of anger, depression, and anxiety.
For many, having BPD is like living in emotional overdrive. And whether you are feeling depressed, anxious, worried, or angry, you might struggle just to get through each day. So, how can you start balancing your moods and managing your symptoms? This helpful guide addresses over fifty of the most common struggles people with BPD face every day, and offers accessible, evidence-based solutions to help you feel better and get back to living your life.
You’ll discover powerful DBT and mindfulness skills to help you set personal limits, manage intense emotions and moods, and address issues like substance abuse and doing harm to yourself and others. In addition, you’ll learn how to deal with the inevitable negative self-talk, feelings of paranoia, and self-invalidation.
If you’re ready to take charge of your BPD—instead of letting it take control of you—this book will be your go-to guide. Perfect for everyday use, the practices within will help you manage your symptoms as they arise.
Martialawe (verified owner) –
This book gives very clear and competent advice regarding the treatment of borderline personality disorder (BPD) using dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). But, in order to give a complete accounting of the range of alternatives for the treatment of BPD, the authors should have considered another alternative, NBT.
I have some personal experience in this area. My 8th grade granddaughter was diagnosed with BPD after she was found cutting herself. Unfortunately, the school district handled it badly. She was jerked out of school by the school counselor and sent to a “contractor” institution – you know, the kind the State Legislature provides for in order to justify shutting down state agencies and avoid the taxes necessary to pay for competent career state employees. Mental health services for adolescents are being completely neglected in the USA.
My granddaughter went from a straight “A” student to completely unable to function and has remained so for the last 6 months. I think she may have been victim of a nighttime initiation hazing incident (think “Lord of the Flies”) at the poorly supervised contractor institution, which is, of course, understaffed by untrained, cheap employees in order to maximize contractor profits.
Lord of the Flies
Today, six months later, my granddaughter is no longer in school and cannot even deal with home schooling. She has at the moment three therapists, among whom is a DBT therapist, a LCSW, and a family therapist. But, so far, she still can’t function at any level.
Here is what I am thinking. Maybe instead of trying to convince her that her problems are products of her imagination and that with proper mind control she may be able to simulate the appearance of a normal person some day, maybe there is a better way. Because, something horrible really did happen to her; and it was not imaginary. It wasn’t just modern social pressures, mean girls, etc. It was real. It was the kind of thing that would change anyone. She is diagnosed not only as BPD, but PTSD, as well. Like an Iraq war veteran, she has suffered a negative life changing event.
So maybe “coping” is not what we need here. Maybe we need to celebrate the difference.
If cutting is in some way “soothing,” then maybe some serious tattoo artwork would provide the soothing pain while at the same time affirming status as a newly minted different kind of person. When I was raising my daughter, I would have been horrified if she had gotten a tattoo, or piercing, or weird hair dye. But now, I begin to see the utility of that sort of self branding, in extreme cases. Why shouldn’t my granddaughter be proud and loud? Why should she ever think of conforming to a society that has proven itself cruel, careless, and cynical?
As with tattooing, so it is with the philosophy of Friedrich Nietzsche. Back in the day, I’d have been horrified if my daughter had ever announced that she would henceforth be a nihilist. But, again, I now see the utility in extreme circumstances of such a world view. Doesn’t Nietzsche tell us that conformity to bourgeois morality is the source of misery? See, Zur Genealogie der Moral: Eine Streitschrift (1887)
The Genealogy of Morals (Dover Thrift Editions)
Once a girl has been brutalized, why should she be expected to crawl back into her Barbie suit and pretend that everything is normal? Isn’t that asking a bit too much? Instead, why shouldn’t she be advised that, by virtue of her experiences, she now knows where all the wires and pulleys are for the stage scenery, She knows now what is behind the curtain at the palace of the Wizard of Oz. Because of this knowledge, she has power which she should learn to exercise for her own benefit so that she will never be abused again.
In short, what is needed is not “DBT” but, instead, “NBT” – Nihilistic Behavioral Therapy.
What will heal my granddaughter is to fly her freak flag with pride. By dressing “punk” with piercings, tattoos, and orange hair, she will put the world on notice that she is the wrong B_____ to F___ with! She will be able to accept herself as a Nietzschean super woman free of illusions and resistant to brainwashing.
What would NBT look like? It would be truly Socratic.
NBT would induce “aporia,” rather than affirmation of some sophistry marketed by “normal” society. Instead of pretending that there are answers, NBT would allow the child to deal with the fact that there are no answers. Using NBT, the child would be taught to question everything and submit to nothing.
Because, I would rather see my granddaughter hardened and proud, not patched up and put back on track to a miserable, ruined, devastated old womanhood. Because, if the techniques of sophistry are used to convince my granddaughter that she can slide back into her former place in our sick society, then life long-misery will be the result.
The truth will make her free.
But, would any therapist dare to try NBT? Certainly not. Look what happened to Socrates.
Any attempt by a therapist to practice NBT would result in her losing her license. The legions of the righteous would rise up to smite such a counselor. Religious fundamentalists would start a new political movement to crush NBT. Opposition to NBT would become a litmus test for politicians. Candidates for the Supreme Court would be required to reject NBT in order to get Senate confirmation. So, whether it is best or not, it isn’t going to happen. Instead, families will continue spending thousands of dollars to counselors who are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole using DBT.
What is a parent to do? Suppose we just give our damaged daughters and granddaughters the space in which to forge a new identity unconstrained by bourgeois morality? All humans are adaptable. It’s what being a human is all about. There is a natural process of re-calibration and re-adjustment that initiates automatically when an emotional injury occurs. But, civilization interferes. Because society wants conformity, the natural process is frustrated and a toxicity is created. It need not be so.
We have room in our society for everyone, including those who don’t want to submit to societal expectations. Maybe we need those people even more than we need the “normal” ones. It’s not as if the standard program is working out all that well for the rest of us.
Customer (verified owner) –
Excellent providing one can get a patient to read it
Blossom & Roses (verified owner) –
Very informative
Jeannie (verified owner) –
Brilliant
Ms. L. Chalkley (verified owner) –
Can’t believe this hadn’t been written sooner. So, so helpful – if like me – you don’t have a therapist to coach you through day to day crisis. One of the problems I have when exceedingly disregulated is becoming stuck on ‘what is the right skill to use or right thing to do’. I become very anxious imagining that I’ll get it wrong and make things worse. This is one of the ways high anxiety effects me and even if I calm down, a lot of the DBT literature has hundreds of pages of options.
To have two skilled therapists walk you through problem solving, in the way they have successfully coached their clients, is very reassuring. The book is quite concise, but it has covered my main issues – and I normally have the same ones recurring, rather than using the whole breadth of the book. The layout of each problem – a brief explanation, a vignette and then a walk-through of DBT skills followed by a handy checklist is clear and practical. Even reading through the problem helps me, my panic calms and my reasoning brain comes on-line, just making sense of the situation feels beneficial.
I use this with
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation … Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook)
and use both as an adjunct to therapy.
I’m hopeful that as I learn to skillfully respond to problems, it’s going to change how my brain works and build my confidence to cope with my borderline symptoms. Although this is a simple book, it has had solutions to problems I’ve struggled with for years – staying in bed when overwhelmed emotionally and fear of never getting better, being stuck in the past or overwhelmed with paranoia. It makes it ok that these things come up, rather than thinking that they shouldn’t happen at all – if a problem is workable, it makes a lot of difference. To move through the problem, to make a good day and a good life happen, regardless, is an amazing gift.
Anne (verified owner) –
Bought this for a close friend and it has helped her to help herself. She considers it as a lifeline,invaluable. I am seeing positive changes in her. She finds the checklists very useful and the dbt methods are helping her to cope with the bpd which has ruled her life and relationships for so long. The book is helping her gain perspective and she now feels there’s a way forward where before there was none. She is managing her emotions much better and although she says its not always an easy thing to do the changes I see are consistant. HIGHLY RECOMMEND
Dale (verified owner) –
Good book
trillama (verified owner) –
Great book! Like having a coach with you all the time.
C Nickson (verified owner) –
After finishing this book, I knew I HAD to write a review.
Having struggled with mental health for many years I have read many a self help book but this by far is the best one I have ever read. The tone of the book is so compassionate; you feel as if they are really hearing your pain and want to help.
It was also written in a way that made it easy to read – broken down in to segments for certain situations so you can easily dip in and out of the book and go back to it if you need to.
There are lots of suggestions on skills that may help you manage that particular situation and again, these are broken down so they don’t feel huge in that moment.
I whole-heartedly recommend this book to anybody who struggles with mental health. I have Complex PTSD and I think this book could be used for so many things, not just BPD.
Give it a try 🙂
Central VT (verified owner) –
This book was very informative and an easy read. I learned more about BPD than I expected.
Kristen (verified owner) –
Resourceful
Customer (verified owner) –
I love this book. Super helpful!
Customer (verified owner) –
As a person diagnosed with bipolar disorder and more recently borderline personality disorder (which I feel is a more serious mental illness than bipolar disorder and as a result of subsequent exclusion from psychiatric services since this diagnosis I would say this disorder is the most stigmatised condition in mental health at present in my area. The only advice I can give to other people with bpd who want to help themselves get well is things can and do get better but you have to put in the work, it all starts by getting to learn all about how to make positive lifestyle changes, no drink, drugs, eat healthy, exercise etc. I find mindfulness classes extremely helpful as there is no dialectical behaviour therapy funding in my region. I hope things change soon for what was once considered an untreatable condition by the psychiatrict community, sadly this belief is still held strong by many. I treated myself with self help, mindfulness and I learned to be kind to myself. I still take a little amount of medication for co occurring mental conditions common in bpd however this book is invaluable in helping me to be mindful and understand and ground myself when specific symptoms arise with easy to follow examples for each symptom profile. An insightful read.
Stacey (verified owner) –
I am someone who has not been formally diagnosed but has many bpd traits for as long as i can remember.
After flicking through this book I feel instantly calmed, soothed & ready to deal with the emotions & feelings that bpd throws at me.
It is really simple to read & even has a checklist of things to do.
I’m so glad i purchased & strongly recommend this to anyone who wants instant soothing & reassurance.
charles sanderson (verified owner) –
Wonderful info.
Shanna Swope (verified owner) –
Exactly what I needed
Customer (verified owner) –
Good Read
Nisreen (verified owner) –
Very helpful book and came in perfect condition. Quick too
Bean’s Books (verified owner) –
This book is so amazing! Perfect quick reference for a laymen to DBT and CBT. And perfect size for carrying around with you. I keep this in my purse! Great information, exercises and suggestions. HIGHLY recommend!
NIGGLEPIGGLE (verified owner) –
It’s helping the person it was bought for
Laurie (verified owner) –
Very good book with excellent cbt/dbt skills helpful.
Customer (verified owner) –
Amazing book which is really helping me get a handle on the difficult and intense emotions I feel with BPD, and begin to accept them andive with them which is helping them calm down. Very step-by-step and each section is the same as the one before which is helpful. Incredibly useful, thank you!
clare (verified owner) –
brill book, easy to understand. very helpfull
Roxabellum (verified owner) –
Gives good examples of possible situations and solutions so that it is easier to relate to the experience. I appreciate the highlights.
Samantha Harris (verified owner) –
Good buy
Samantha Bond (verified owner) –
Very good book helping me understand my diagnosis would recommend for others struggling or others who have family friends with bpd.
charlotte harvey (verified owner) –
Fabulous book helped me no end
danielle deline (verified owner) –
Loved it from start to finish
cheryl bivens (verified owner) –
I enjoy reading the book will recommend it to a friend someday
Siobhan (verified owner) –
I bought this after my diagnosis with BPD and it’s really helped me understand my condition and helps me cope with day to day problems. I’d recommend this to anyone whether you have BPD or have a loved one with it so you can better understand what they are going through.
Lisa Messenger (verified owner) –
I greatly recommend this book
Jo (verified owner) –
i’m shocked at the amount of mixed reviews this book has, because it’s been invaluable to me when i’m in a crisis. maybe not the most helpful for more mature sufferers of BPD… i wouldn’t recommend this to someone older with years of therapy under their belt, which is why it probably comes off as condescending to some. but for a 19-year-old with untreated mood swings and emotional instability – it’s perfect.
it has chapters dedicated to scenarios and feelings, with advice broken up into bullet points on how to cope with them. i typically reach for this book when i’m having an episode, and the chapters are short and sweet enough to help break me out of an emotionally debilitating situation. for someone with BPD that also has issues with inattention and generally dislikes reading, this is the perfect self-help book. i’d recommend this to anyone who has trouble coping with emotional regulation, just because of how easy it is to refer back to when you’re having a difficult time.
Customer (verified owner) –
This book has helped me so much in understanding BPD and helped me deal with situations that have arisen lately, definitely recommend!
C. Boyce (verified owner) –
Where has this book been all my life??? Seriously, it’s short and compact so you can carry it with you. If you’re prone to BPD reactions or just inappropriate emotional reactions, this book will walk you through the situation and give you a check list so that you can make the decision you won’t regret (you know, the emotional decision). I think this book is extremely valuable to a large segment of the population, it’s unfortunate that many people who could benefit from it might pass it by because it is geared towards BPD.
Trust me people, if you’ve made emotionally charged decisions that you’ve regretted later, this is a book you will find useful.
Carlos Menezes (verified owner) –
Very good book
Dawn Sweder (verified owner) –
My daughter was diagnosed with BPD at a very young age and this book has been amazing for her.
Roger Roller (verified owner) –
I am very happy I bought this book
Brook (verified owner) –
Bought the book for a family member who suffers from the condition. I thought it would be helpful
Kulvinder (verified owner) –
They enjoyed reading it
solange (verified owner) –
This book initially didn’t intrigue me but I kept it around in case. This book has been a lifesaver for dealing with multiple situations involving social skills. This book is honestly a brutally honest book of some of the emotions someone with BPD could go through and, if you are willing to read how to deal with situations such as mood swings, self-harm, or harm to others this is a great book to gain knowledge on how to cope with BPD