No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind
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Description
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • The pioneering experts behind The Whole-Brain Child and The Yes Brain tackle the ultimate parenting challenge: discipline.
“A lot of fascinating insights . . . an eye-opener worth reading.”—Parents
Highlighting the fascinating link between a child’s neurological development and the way a parent reacts to misbehavior, No-Drama Discipline provides an effective, compassionate road map for dealing with tantrums, tensions, and tears—without causing a scene.
Defining the true meaning of the “d” word (to instruct, not to shout or reprimand), the authors explain how to reach your child, redirect emotions, and turn a meltdown into an opportunity for growth. By doing so, the cycle of negative behavior (and punishment) is essentially brought to a halt, as problem solving becomes a win/win situation. Inside this sanity-saving guide you’ll discover
• strategies that help parents identify their own discipline philosophy—and master the best methods to communicate the lessons they are trying to impart
• facts on child brain development—and what kind of discipline is most appropriate and constructive at all ages and stages
• the way to calmly and lovingly connect with a child—no matter how extreme the behavior—while still setting clear and consistent limits
• tips for navigating your child through a tantrum to achieve insight, empathy, and repair
• twenty discipline mistakes even the best parents make—and how to stay focused on the principles of whole-brain parenting and discipline techniques
Complete with candid stories and playful illustrations that bring the authors’ suggestions to life, No-Drama Discipline shows you how to work with your child’s developing mind, peacefully resolve conflicts, and inspire happiness and strengthen resilience in everyone in the family.
Praise for No-Drama Discipline
“With lucid, engaging prose accompanied by cartoon illustrations, Siegel and Bryson help parents teach and communicate more effectively.”—Publishers Weekly
“Wow! This book grabbed me from the very first page and did not let go.”—Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D., author of The Opposite of Worry
There are many wonderful points here - children’s minds are still developing, connecting, focusing on teaching, avoiding overtalking, various ways to redirect.. all of these things are great
But parents have NO role in teaching their kids that their actions can lead to consequences? There is ZERO role punishment? It’s very strange. I understand focusing on teaching and not on punishing. However, de-emphasizing discipline as a “punitive” measure does not mean there should be ZERO punishment. It’s absurd.
You can and you should use all the tools in this book, but you OBVIOUSLY have to use some form of punishment at least sometimes… it would have been much better for the authors to articulate that and offer actual advice on how to do that in a healthy and productive way rather than completely ignore it or pretend there is no role for it. Very strange.
I would encourage you to read this book, but then read another one that ant least includes something about punishment. You should probably parent somewhere in the middle so you don’t screw up your kids.
If you are looking for a completely accessible means of parenting to the true development of your child (spiritual, mental, physical) this is a book for you. From the neuroscience to its strategies, it’s spot on.
While my etymological lens differ from the authors, as a researcher myself, I can attest that their neuroscience and conclusions remain consistent for a practical application.
Further, if you hold a religious viewpoint, your convictions can very easily remain intact within the presented framework, and you remain conscience bound to your religious applications.
Recommended!
I was pleasantly surprised by this book. It was a powerful affirmation of the things that I have been taught, yet easily forget in the moment. It was also a wealth of new information and strategies that I am excited to implement.
This book won me over. It will definitely make my recommended reading list.
I don’t need prescription glasses but this book is print so small and lines so tight that I cannot make myself read it. It’s an instant turn off. I love free flowing text with a reasonable bit of size and space. If it needs to be larger in size as a result- great! The comfort of the reading experience is important.
I’ve not had this issue in the last few years of books.
I bought the Audible as well and will give it a try that way.
It gives very good strategies but doesn't offer a magic all-solving solutions. It requires parents to think and reflect and learn with their children.
I have a toddler and using these instruments is already very helpful. It makes me more confident and calm.
The key concept everything in this book is centered around is connection.
Connection's work is slow and steady.
You can lovingly set limits. You can help build your child's executive functions that are crucial in learning how to self regulate, problem solve, show empathy etc.
It all builds on the foundation of connection. And this takes intentionality and patience. This book teaches you how to get there and challenges your existing beliefs on what discipline means. Reading it felt like a light illuminating a foggy path.
This book is very practical. My husband and I have been building on this approach for years now and while we see the beauty and upward trend of progress overall, there are days that end in tears, days that are hard, seasons where we feel like we have to reset and start again. Because we are human. This book honors what it means to be human.
If you want to learn how to walk WITH your child in life, this book is for you.
Long story short, "The Whole Brain Child" and it's two companion books by the same authors, "No Drama Discipline", and more recently "The Yes Brain" really have been the most useful parenting books I've encountered. (they are loosely coupled, so you can read any of them individually, in any order)
Of the 40 or so books (and zillion articles, studies, etc.) I gobbled up when we first found out we'd be expecting, these are the ones that really stand out, and that I can most hold up and say "I'm a better parent today than I otherwise would be, because I read this."
These aren't read-once books for me - I still flip through them once in a while, as a refresher, three years later, and will probably continue to revisit them well into the future.
I also make it a habit to gift hardcover copies of all three books to anyone we know who's expecting, along with an offer to buy them the e-book versions instead, if they'd rather have those.
Even the best parents have room for improvement, and I can't really imagine anyone reading any of these without finding something that will add to their parenting skills.
Bottom line, if you believe parenting is a skill to be honed, if you want to parent thoughtfully and intentionally rather than just echoing your own parents methods (which may have been just fine), if you want your parenting to be in tune with the facts and empirical evidence provided by modern psychology and brain-science (which has improved greatly over the last 20 years or so), and if you want a better understanding of how your child's mind works, how you can best guide that mind for long-term success, then please don't miss these books.
What else can I say? Seriously, just buy the book - buy all three, if you can.
Your kids will probably never thank you for reading them, but they should =o)
A bit repetitiva but with some good stories and anecdotes to help one understand the context and process.
Definitely reach one of their parenting books!
Just reading the first chapter from this book has helped my understand my son more and showed me how to create a closer bond with him. I realized I have been stressing over how to discipline my son for the dumbest reasons. Like that he should respect my word or that “he’s old enough to know what to do.” But I was definitely far from truly understanding how I could help him become a better child and future perosn while also helping me become a better “no-drama” mama.
Also, the book was fun to read especially because it has some pictures of different parent-child situations where we were presented the bad approach vs the good one. These examples of how to act in different situations were very helpful (for me at least).
What this book gives you is another tool in your toolbox to use to help you parent better. I've been using the methods for a few weeks and much of the time, they've been super helpful. We've seen some changes not only in the moment but overall in the behaviour of our kids.
I encourage you to read it and expand your parenting toolbox.
*I also ordered the audible version and found that easier to get through with our busy schedule. The book is nice to have on hand though as a quick reference to key points when needed.
Yes it's work, but isn't all parenting work? And when you do it the way Dr Siegel outlines its gets easier once you've adapted this system of connection and integration into your lives. No Drama includes yourself! This isn't just making your children into little robots. It's learning how our emotions are tied into our lives as a family. I highly recommend the book and its accompanying workbook.
I immediately put their recommendations to action, and although I have a lot of work to get there, my two and a half year old and I have had almost no power struggles and we are a lot more affectionatte toward one another as a result. Through sharing several concepts with my husband the drama is reduced in our house almost completely. This feels amazing and I am happier and less stressed overall. As a mom, I am more calm and not as quick to anger when he is being naughty and testing his limits. Adding silliness, tickling, and being goofy is a great way to change geers when he is testing, and it keeps things light. His mom is his buddy again- Phew! I can see myself reading this book a few times a year so that it really sinks in and I would recommend to every parent I meet! Thank you!!!!
I wish I had read this boom before my youngest is 9 years old. This book had been really helpful specially my son being on the autism spectrum.
Punishment is nothing more than a simple tool that can or cannot be used in this process, it has a strong power in signaling what the child should stop doing but teaches very little about how to redirect his or her behavior towards a positive outcome.
By learning how to connect and then communicate with your child you may also be learning how to do it with your partner and your significant others.
You don't have to be a parent to read this book. If you are a care giver to children in anyway, this book is for you! It's worth every penny! I promise you will not be disappointed. I may not be a Dr. or have a Phd, but I'm a parent, and deal with real world issues just like all of you, and this book has not only changed the way I view discipline, but the way I actually discipline. It will challenge most of your mindsets, but it's always good to see things for a different perspective. They are able to explain how the brain works in practical terms, so it's easy to understand. This allows you to see how No-Drama Discipline not only will provide a better home environment, but will actually help your child develop parts (upper brain) of their brain that will drastically impact the way the respond to life situations not only now, but when they are adults.
Bottom line.... Buy the book, read the book, apply the knowledge, change your life, and your kids life. I really mean it, it will completely change the atmosphere in your home.
After reading No Drama Discipline by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, I have to amend that. No Drama Discipline is now my number one recommendation to parents wanting to understand what is going on with their children and how to change their way of thinking when it comes to parenting.
The authors go into enough depth about how your child's brain works to explain while managing to write in a conversational manner which appeals to tired, frustrated parents. The book is a fast read, with enough information in early chapters to help parents begin changing how they interact with their children right away. Real life examples will appeal to many parents, helping them both to understand how to use techniques while offering hope to those attempting to make drastic changes in the way they parent.
This is a game changing book and one I highly recommend, not only to parents looking for something better, but also to parents who have been working to parent gentle from the beginning. This is also a good book to share with your parenting partner. Order your own copy and keep it handy. It might just change the way you view parenting.
However, if you stop and think about what you're actually trying to accomplish with a time-out beyond stopping the immediate behavior, well ... no, they aren't all that effective. What this book offers is a different way to approach these kinds of situations so that you can both stop/address the problem behavior but also accomplish the long term goals of parenting. The "teaching" part of "This will teach him a lesson."
It seems like they got a lot of resistance from parents while running this through a test-drive though, because every other sentence is, "Now we don't expect you do to this perfectly all the time," or "Of course we're not saying you should let your child get away with bad behavior," etc. But over all, I really liked this book a lot and will be referring to it as we move forward raising our kids. It has not unseated my favorite parenting books -- the aforementioned How to Talk... and also The Blessing of a Skinned Knee -- but it's definitely a worthwhile addition to our bookshelf.
I was curious to see if these techniques would work with my teenagers, so during the most recent sibling fight, I tried it out, with great success! I have been noticing that my house is calmer and more peaceful, and I am calmer and more peaceful, since reading and implementing the ideas from this book. I highly recommend it!
So many old methods of discipline and parenting that have been accepted as good or useful, have not been subjected to research or utilized what we now know about how we human's understand and organize our world. What makes us afraid, what makes us feel safe? We now know, and we can use that knowledge to help our children grow into emotionally stable, mature adults.
This is a must read for loving parents; parents who use punishment and time out because we were taught to do so without any evidence that it helps our child; or teachers or therapists who work with children - READ THIS!
Kris Gooding, LCSW